I must admit having a child was not at the top of my “to-do” list for most of my life. Growing up as the oldest child, I was always babysitting or caring for my younger brother, so I felt I had a child of my own to a degree. So needless to say, I spent most of my adult life avoiding pregnancy and assumed when I was ready, if ever, it wouldn’t be difficult to do. Most of my friends were having children without an issue (so it seemed). After being married for a couple years and our careers and life together got more settled, we decided I would get off birth control and “see what happens”. After “trying” for some time to get pregnant on our own with no success and supposedly no issues after doing several different tests including two Hysterosalpingography (referred to as HSG’s, which are not pleasant) with my gynecologist, we started talking with a fertility specialist in 2012.
At the time I thought it was going to be a waste of time and money, but as it turned out, after a few Transvaginal Ultrasounds and Saline Infusion Sonohysterogram (SIS), it was determined I had a swollen left fallopian tube. Additionally, after a semen analysis, my husband learned of a sperm issues and was referred to a Urologist. We were quite shocked! We looked at ourselves as people who took good care of ourselves and didn’t understand why our journey had to begin this way. Needless to say along with litany of tests, appointments, two unsuccessful Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) procedures came tons of mental challenges we didn’t expect: feeling ashamed and disgusted with our bodies (after all isn’t our purpose as humans to procreate?), blaming myself for lifestyle choices that may have contributed to the swollen tube, uncomfortable when friends and family would ask "why you don’t have kids yet?", stressed out trying to get appointments with doctors that work with my busy work schedule, hiding the multiple appointments from work, family and friends, the expense of the appointments, expense of procedures, expense of medications, the pressure from the doctors to take medications that made me feel bloated and irritable, surgeries and procedures I wasn't comfortable with, and the lack of emotional support or other holistic options from the doctors, we decided we would take a hiatus and see if anything happened naturally because the stress of it was definitely not helping. Unfortunately it didn’t work so in March 2016, I decided to go forward with the Laparoscopy surgery to remove my left fallopian tube. In July 2016, we decided we were ready to try IUI again after my surgery, but unfortunately still no success. As I am writing this we are currently walking the talk by observing our primary and secondary foods. We have been trying acupuncture, of course yoga, and eating more fertile foods to put us in the best possible position we can be for what will hopefully be that last time of "trying". I am hopeful that our journey will end with a child, but if it doesn't we know that we are whole just as we have always been.